“Walking on Eggshells” around your kids? Here’s how a Breakfast Tantrum Became a Moment of Trust, Collaboration, and Connection

The other day my 2.5 year old asked me if she could help crack the eggs for breakfast. But she asked after I’d already cracked them.

It’s true that I easily could have gotten another egg for her and avoid a meltdown. But I felt I couldn’t drop the rope that day. I hadn’t slept well. I was in a rush, already running late for meetings, and didn’t have the bandwidth to deal with the sticky mess that would follow. 

So I told her, “I’m so sorry, I already cracked them this time. Next time, I’ll be sure to ask you first, and you can crack the eggs for me, okay?” I made sure to explain it wasn’t about not wanting her to help- it was just about the timing and me being under-resourced in that moment.

Her face fell and she started whining and crying. I knew she wasn’t just being defiant, or not listening, or being manipulative. I hadn’t used too many words and she knew exactly what I was saying, but that her logical brain was offline. So instead of telling her to stop crying or doubling down on my “no”, explaining more reasons for why I couldn’t get another egg, or following traditional gentle parenting advice and holding the boundary while validating her feelings (“not today honey. it’s ok to be sad.”)… I pivoted. 

I paused and focused on the fact that what she actually needed wasn’t about the eggs. 

It was about feeling seen, included, and connected to me.

I said, “Hey, you’re over there by yourself in your tower, you didn’t get to help me like usual, I’m over here cooking, and this sucks. Plus, we’re not really getting to talk properly are we? Why don’t you come closer so we can chat? What should we talk about?” 

And she did. We started talking about her new dollhouse furniture and the fun things we’d do together with it while we ate, and the vibe completely shifted.

Here’s what I love about how that moment played out: I did make a boundary for myself because I was really tapped out. I DO, in fact, say no to my child sometimes! But I made sure to honour her feelings, explain why I didn’t say yes, and promised to include her next time. And you better believe I’ll follow through on that promise! In little moments like these, I’m regularly building trust with her by showing her that her feedback matters to me.

Some folks would think this response is breeding entitlement, coddling, too soft, or a waste of time. What they don’t realize is that these are actually the moments in which my kid is learning how to trust me, feel valued, and navigate disappointment in a way that strengthens our connection. These are the moments where she sees that her feelings matter, that boundaries can coexist with love, connection and true respect, and that I’m committed to getting her needs met alongside mine. Non-coercive, collaborative parenting is about building a foundation of trust and emotional safety that will carry us through tougher times ahead.

When we’re late, under-resourced, overwhelmed and we’re weighing our options, it doesn’t always make sense to go with our child’s request. But even when we’re stretched thin there’s almost always a way to connect and find some place where you can get everyone’s needs met. As my friend Vivek Patel @meaningfulideas said when I told him this story: “This is exactly why we do what we do. It's not enough to just say no. That's authoritative and hierarchical and ignoring the human in front of you.”

It’s always worth asking: “If I have to say no to one thing, is there another way I can meet this need?” 

Because building that trust and connection is everything.